My Existence...

Strange it may seem but I guess that is what really life is... Full of criticism, it may be good or bad, depends on how you are going to accept it. I know I have changed, been better! Less tactless, more thoughtful and friendly however, we can never please everybody. Difficult as we may say, indeed! As for me, I always do try my best to be a good friend. I always say that what you see is what you get... And that is really me! If I don’t like a person because of what he/she does I say so, of course in a way that I won’t be offending but sometimes I try not to interfere because they might think that I sound like their parents and besides I have no right to do so like such. In a way, I do think that if you are a true friend then you will do whatever it takes to help out a person to be better! So right now, I am confused and honestly, been thinking very deep on how or what should I do? You may say that I’m making a big deal out of it. Well every little thing makes a big thing, so we have to solve or pay attention to the little things first before working on the big things. I have been reflecting and being thorough to details in my life and wanted to change what needs to be changed. With what I’ve been through, I felt more conscious of the things that I’ve been doing and what I could do towards anyone. As much as possible, I want to live the life the Lord wants us to live by. I know and I understand that it may be difficult because of the norms we got used to nevertheless, it’s worth a try!

A friend forwarded me this interesting quote from the movie "Why did I get married?", I find it really true...

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in
your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT. And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT.But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is
not"

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have
greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: "I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .." Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 80% that you already have! That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've acumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. I'm not just talking about marriage.

I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.

About your friends.

About your children.

About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's
missing? "They have got more leg room! Oh my,their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got
personal videos!" I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is
first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class? because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message??? If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

It’s really different today here in the office. This is the very first time that I experienced no work and just relaxing time. Yes, it is because of the Thanksgiving holiday in the US. It started yesterday that we just do some of the requests and on the latter part we get to goof around. I really enjoy being here… New friends, new work and of course new adventure! Yippee!!! I still have a lot of things to do ‘because I haven’t reached at least half of the book I need to read and the forms that needs to be submitted, I’m slacking… I know! Just really need to have some rest and will be back on track. I should prepare my schedule for next week and make sure to follow it or else. Christmas is near and I haven’t thought of the gifts to buy for my loved ones… I’m thinking to just buy them when I get back to Jakarta next year, because there a lot of cute stuff there which are cheaper so I get to buy them more. Although I am not quite sure if I will be joining my mom and dad since the fare is a bit high already and we don’t have a specific date yet, since it will depend on my big brother’s schedule. Hopefully, on the second week of February so I can get to use my holiday. Think…think… I need to get back to work… Just slip up here to update.

I feel like writing something but can’t seem to know where to start or what to write about. I know there are a lot of things inside me right now that I want to let out but I end up keeping it inside. I have always wanted to write and be good at it somehow... To be focus right now is somehow difficult for me, I know I need to unwind and be relaxed... I really hope that I can go on a short vacation just to be able to free my mind so I can finish everything that I have started... It’s been 6 months since I got back and I haven’t even reached half of what I need to do. GRRR!!! Anyone, please help me think of a place where I can have a relaxing moment? Badly need it...

In life, we have to make decisions. We are afraid that it will upset someone. It is difficult because whatever decisions you make there is someone that will feel pain, someone that will not understand what you did or why you did it. Chances are those that can’t or won’t understand will blame you, will put every little mistake on you without even thinking of the efforts you have exerted. Those little sweet nothings you made, the attention you have given. They say that you have to use your brain to make decision, rational ones but what if you are confused? And what if it’s the matters of the heart? I believe that it is better to just follow your heart, listen to what is within you and then balance it, think it through, then let it out... I know that it’s easier said than done in spite of this, there should be something that you have to come out with... the final verdict!

The only thing that is constant is... Change! All of us have accepted the fact that everything around us will change, plants will wither, animals will be extinct and humans will perish. In our everyday lives, we notice that even in a very little thing that’s happening there is change... Can we stop it? Avoid it? Probably! But there is no guarantee that the outcome will be favorable for us, however, there is one thing you surely be doing, BE READY! Indeed it’s hard, grueling or whatever you consider it to be never the less, we should believe in ourselves that we can make it to the end of the dark tunnel.

In every change that you experience in life, there will be times when you’ll wonder if you can endure. But you’ll learn that facing each difficulty one by one it’s so hard. It’s when you don’t deal with a situation that it sometimes comes back to confront you again.

Changes are sometimes very painful, but they teach us that we can endure and that we can become stronger. Everything that comes into your life has a purpose, but the outcome is in your hands by the action you take. Be wise with your life, be willing to endure and always be willing to face life’s challenges.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on
staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters

Whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave the past the moments
of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving
relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to
live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell
yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things
that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just
like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your
parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,
everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on
with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even
when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed
will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that
feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an
affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of
coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is
why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you
have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the
invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of
certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take
their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this
life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not
expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on
your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the
one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only
poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are
broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions
that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter
is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has
passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could
live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit
is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it
is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply
because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record,
clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change
into who you are.

After more than a year of fighting and coping for the pain suddenly, it stroke like a bolt of lightning. Every pain I felt in the past was relived, I can’t understand but tears pour down my cheeks once again. I really can’t describe how painful it is, I don’t know what I would do, the more I am confused. There are a lot of things I want to say right now but I don’t know where to start. A lot of feelings I want to release from within. I went through a lot and I thought that everything is over but I guess I am still in the road of healing. I am scared of how long this will take. I fear the thought of being like this forever. I fear of being afraid for the rest of my life. The apprehension of love has been there since then. If it will go away I am not sure, will I overcome it? I don’t know either, I hope so.